What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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