I wanna bring you to show and tell
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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