Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
