6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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