my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
