I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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