$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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