bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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