god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
