Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
