what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
