Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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