I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
