been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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