dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
