Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
