It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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