The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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