How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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