I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
