Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
