Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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