He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
