he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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