We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
