Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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