i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize