proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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