How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
