He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
