This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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