she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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