OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
