She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I FOUND THE LEGS
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
