i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
