i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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