Screwed.edu
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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