I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize