I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
