Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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