I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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