Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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