I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
