What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
