Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
