He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Randomize