Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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