some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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