I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
