Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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