Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the condom got lost in my hair
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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