y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
