i already hear my dad disowning me
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
