u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
