No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
