OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
