U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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