Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
