So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
