I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize