Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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