dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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