Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
