This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
