i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
