who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize