if only i could text you this smell
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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