after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize