i need an iv and a liver transplant
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize