are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
