I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
not ubering you a puppy
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
