I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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