they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This house was built for laser tag.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
