i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
