I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
