quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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