she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
