My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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