I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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