If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
